Approaching Sex With A Trans Person

Join kiwi sex educator Louise Bourchier for conversations about sex, pleasure, health and relationships with a touch of international flavour.

Approaching Sex With A Trans Person

Approaching Sex With A Trans Person

Approaching Sex With A Trans Person

2 minute read

If you don’t have a lot of experience having sex with a trans person, you might be seeking information on what to expect and how to be more aware of your partner’s needs. 

In this stream, sex and pleasure education Louise Bourchier explains how to approach sex with a trans person — a person who identifies with a gender different from the one they were assigned at birth. 

First, Bourchier explains there’s no one way to be trans. A trans person may of may not choose to modify their body hormonally or with surgery to match their identified gender. Some may choose a combination, such as having surgery to modify their chest, but not their genitals. It’s important to respect whatever choices a trans person has made in regards to their body, and to respect their identity and preferred name and pronouns. 

Bourchier then addresses some concerns a cis person might have when approaching sex with a trans person. For example, questions about how to make your partner comfortable, and how to go about being intimate in the most respectful way. On the flip side, a trans person may wonder about their partner’s experience level, if they will touch them in ways they like, etc.  

Ask your partner questions about their preferences, like what parts of their body they want touched and what words are okay to use when describing their genitals or chest. Bourchier notes that genitals are basically all made of the same parts, but are structured differently. The head of a penis, for example, has the same kind of nerve-endings found in a clitoris. A trans woman,then, may refer to their penis as a clit and a trans man may refer to their clit as a cock. 

Overall, it’s important to ask questions when approaching sex with a trans person and to also do your own research before entering an intimate situation. The more you know, the more safe and comfortable you and your partner can feel.


Louise Bourchier, MPH

Reviewed for Medical Accuracy

Louise Bourchier is a sex educator and sex researcher with 8 years experience in the field. She teaches about sexual health, sexual pleasure, and communication in relationships through workshops, live-streams, and with written content. Using a sex-positive approach, a dash of humour, and bag full of fun props, Louise’s style of sex education for adults is not what you got in high school! Since 2011 she has taught over a hundred workshops to a wide range of audiences, from university students, to refugees, to medical professionals, to adult store clientele. She has a Masters of Public Health, and is currently a PhD candidate.

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