Blowjobs can be amazing at all stages of life. That said, once we get into our later stages, it’s easier to slip into routines and let our oral sex lives go to the wayside. Our bodies may not move like they used to, we may have just forgotten how it’s done, or we may just not have the same enthusiasm for sex. But if you want to re-introduce blowjobs back into your sex life, or if you’ve always loved giving head, there’s always new things to learn. Oral sex can liven up an old routine, allow you to get it on if penetrative sex is too hard on your body, or it can just be a fun way to let your partner know you care about them.‍

7 blowjob tips for older folks ‍

We have a feeling you’ve been down the BJ road before, and know the basics of how to give head. But these tips can help if you’ve gone without oral sex for some time and may be a bit rusty. Keep the basics in mind — yes to lips and tongue, no to teeth, sucking is fun, etc. — and add these suggestions to your blowjob toolbox. 

1. Start with a preview.

‍Sexual wellness and fertility consultant Fiona Gilbert tells O.school that starting with touch before diving straight into oral can help build stimulation and enhance sexual connectivity between partners. 

“I always like to introduce all my clients who come to me for sexual wellness to portions of tantra practice because it is about connecting them back to their bodies and to their partners,” Gilbert tells O.school. “Start with a lingam or yoni massage, then add in kissing. Enjoy the experience as the giver and the receiver.”‍

2. Don’t fret about possible erectile dysfunction.

‍The inability to maintain an erection, or vaginal dryness caused by menopause, can halt a sexual interaction in its tracks. Luckily, oral sex doesn’t require an erection or vaginal lubrication. Communicating throughout the blowjob experience can help lessen sexual performance anxiety. If the oral sex feels good, that’s all you should concern yourself with.‍

3. Speaking of which, communicate:

‍The absolute best way to make sure both you and your partner are getting something great out of this experience is to make sure you’re both verbalizing wants and desires. Does this feel good? Should I do this? Are you okay? And if you’re on the receiving end, make sure you direct your partner so they give you what you need to get off. Throwing in words of encouragement to your giving partner will also help them get heightened pleasure, as well.‍

4. Introduce flavor to the equation.

‍According to sex coach Mayla Green, oral sex may be less appealing to some older couples if they’ve become more body conscious with age. They may feel more concerned with how their genitals taste or smell. 

“When I'm coaching older married couples, I always suggest they add on a flavored oral sex enhancer because it reduces the uncomfortable feelings we may have about our bodies, and it also provides a nice flavor and scent for their partner who is performing oral sex,” Green tells O.school. She suggests adding a flavored water-based lubricant or gel, specified for oral sex, to the experience to put your mind at ease and allow you to fully take pleasure.‍

5. On that note, use lube.

‍To avoid any uncomfy friction, have a bottle of lubricant on hand — literally. Sometimes saliva just isn’t enough, and if you’re working either the penis or vagina with your hands as well (for added stimulation), incorporating a bit of lube into the play will only make the experience better. It doesn’t have to be flavored, as mentioned above, but make sure your partner isn’t allergic to any of the ingredients before going at it.‍

6. Give without expecting to receive.

‍“Give each other the opportunity to simply receive, without returning the favor in that moment,” Dr. Melancon tells O.school. “This can allow each of you to feel important and taken care of by each other, allowing the focus to be solely on one person’s pleasure at a time.”‍

7. Play with different positions.

‍As we get older, our bodies may not bend and twist in ways they may have once been able to. It’s completely understandable if you can’t stay on your knees for an extended period of time, or shape your body into the “69” position — though this position may be doable for you and your partner if done laying on your sides. There’s no right position to give a blowjob, so feel free to test a few different setups with your partner. 

You can try both laying on the bed — one on their back, the other on their stomach. This is known as the “T” position. Or, a person with a vulva “may feel most comfortable lying down with legs spread or bent; sometimes they will appreciate being propped up a bit,” Carol Queen, PhD, staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, tells O.school, adding that firm pillows or wedges can be implemented by both the giver and the recipient. 

“For fellatio, lying down or sitting up can be comfortable positions; in the sitting position it can be fairly easy for a partner to kneel on something soft, or even sit on a low stool, to give oral pleasure,” Dr. Queen continues. It doesn’t really matter what the position looks like. If you’re feeling pleasured, that’s what matters.‍

Giving head later in life can be even better‍

“Any sexual arousal, pleasure, and orgasm can be beneficial, and oral sex is a valuable path to those experiences,” Dr. Queen says. “It can be a more effective route to orgasm than many other kinds of sex, especially for people with vulvas.” 

Furthermore, Dr. Queen says that “arousal, pleasure, and orgasm support genital circulation,” which maintains genital function. And high arousal and orgasm can help relieve pain and bring on a good night’s sleep. “Oral sex is an intimate sort of connection that may strengthen partners' pleasure in one another,” she continues. “It is also both a great run-up to intercourse and a fabulous thing to do when intercourse isn't on the table.”

Fiona Gilbert agrees. “Oral sexual pleasure is fantastic for both parties if you have orthopedic or other physical issues that make penetrative sex painful/uncomfortable (joint replacements, hysterectomy, cardio vascular issues),” Gilbert says.

Working a blowjob into your routine might just change your sex life for the better. Whether it’s the trailer before the movie, or the main event, a great blowjob can open new doors, introduce some excitement, and give both you and your partner a jolt of pleasure you may have been missing out on before now.