Healing From A Traumatic Relationship

Speaking from her experience with domestic violence, Mia shares her journey and practices toward healing, reclaiming her body and sexuality, and opening up to new relationships.

Healing From A Traumatic Relationship

Healing From A Traumatic Relationship

Healing From A Traumatic Relationship

Updated
July 24, 2019
Medically Reviewed by
3 minute read

If you identify as a survivor of trauma, it can take a lot to manage and navigate those past experiences and understand how they impact you today. 

In this stream, sex educator Mia Little addresses survivors of trauma to talk about how safe and supportive spaces can be created to foster healing. Little speaks from her own experience as a domestic and sexual violence survivor and the steps she took to feel more in control of her life, and to feel reconnected to her body and sexuality. Of course, these are just gentle suggestions as everyone’s healing journey is different. 

To begin rebuilding a relationship with yourself, Little suggests curating your environment and the people you allow into your space. It’s important to recognize your systems of support and to take stock of your allies, whether they be friends, family, or a professional support person like a therapist, psychiatrist, or life coach. 

“ [...] having that foundation, that network of people  who care, with whom you have healthy relationships, is pretty paramount — at least in my experience — to seeing myself and feeling myself again,” says Little. 

It’s important to know you’re allowed to take time to care for yourself. Practicing daily self-love rituals can help chip way at a negative self-view. Concentrating on yourself can also help you set up action plans — like calling a support person — if something triggers you. 

If you have triggers —  “something that has a connection or association strong enough to a traumatic event that it brings about a similar stress response” — Little suggests first identifying the triggers so you can try to avoid them, and then reflecting on what happens when you experience those triggers. This can help prepare you emotionally and physically if you do encounter them.

Little then discusses sex after trauma and being comfortable in your body. After trauma, we can feel a loss of control and ownership of our bodies, so Little suggests starting to reconnect by finding activities that let you control your space and identify with your body — for her, that’s hiking. 

Being sexual after trauma can take some time, but Little recommends letting your mind wander to the things that may stimulate your body and bring you pleasure. It can help to feel in control of that stimuli and to know you are choosing it — whether it be erotica, your hand, a toy, etc. You can very slowly experiment with these things and perhaps eventually feel comfortable to invite another person into that space

Everyone’s healing journey happens in their own ways and at their own pace. Having a support system, and rebuilding your self-worth, bodily agency, and sexual energy all takes time and a lot of self-love. There is no right or wrong way to move past trauma, but knowing there are others on similar journeys can, at the bare minimum, help you know you’re not alone. 

If you or a loved one have experienced trauma and need additional resources, or someone to talk to, you can find help at RAINN.

Mia Little

Reviewed for Medical Accuracy

Mia Little is an accomplished performer, educator and YouTube star. An adept and engaging teacher, Mia works with students to relearn their relationship to orgasm, explore sexual identity and heal from trauma. Mia's pronouns are them/them and identifies as genderqueer.

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