Deep-throating is when you fit a whole penis down to its base in your mouth. The name comes from the idea that the penis goes so deep into your mouth that it inches down your throat and overcomes your gag reflex. Whereas regular blowjobs involve putting a penis in your mouth and sucking on it, deep-throating involves inserting the entire penis at once.

This act isn’t only about one person’s pleasure—it can be a mutually fulfilling experience for both the giver and the receiver. “Pleasure is as psychological as it is physiological,” sex educator Cassandra Corrado tells O.school. “[This] means that performance, fantasy and knowing that your partner is enjoying something can make it a pleasurable experience for everyone involved.” If you are into domination and submission, deep-throating can be highly erotic for the giver as well. 

When it comes to deep-throating, practice makes perfect, but it’s always better to practice on a real penis than it is to practice on a banana, cucumber, or another food item. Food eventually conforms to the shape of your mouth and turns to mush, which can become a real choking hazard. If you can’t practice deep-throating with a penis, then you can practice on a dildo or another phallic-shaped sex toy. 

Here are some sexy deep-throating tips and techniques you should try:‍

First, familiarize yourself with your throat and sing. Yes, sing!‍

Learning to comfortably open up your throat is fairly simple—just sing! Corrado says, “If you've ever taken voice lessons, this is a technique you might be familiar with: Sing the word ‘ah’ at a pitch slightly higher than your natural voice. Feel how the back of your throat opened up a bit? You can apply that same technique to deep-throating.” The difference is that you don’t actually have to hold a tune when performing the sex act. “Practice getting used to that feeling in your throat, and then practice opening up your throat that way without singing,” Corrado explains. 

Certified sexologist Gigi Engle additionally recommends visualizing the process in a new way to prepare yourself: “Don't think of it as swallowing, but rather ‘allowing’ the penis to slide against the uvula [the piece of soft tissue that hangs down like a teardrop in the back of your throat] without causing gagging.” ‍

Let the giver be in control.‍

Allow the giver to set the rhythm, speed, and depth. The action of taking a penis or dildo all the way down your throat may be super hot, but you don’t want to push yourself to the point of actual choking or nausea if the receiving partner thrusts themselves more deeply than you are comfortable taking them. Micki Allen, a sexual health and pleasure educator, says, “Beginners should always be in a position of power (control) in order to set their own mind at ease.”  

Speaking of deep-throating positions.

Consider how you place yourself because your position makes all of the difference in your deep-throating experience. “Positioning yourself on your knees between your reclining lover’s thighs while facing them, allows you to rest on your weaker elbow or palm and use your dominant hand to guide them into and out of your mouth,” Allen says. “By virtue of being ‘on top,’ you can better control the depth and angle at which you take your partner into your mouth and throat.” 

Once you are more comfortable with deep-throating, you can try a position in which the receiving partner stands at the edge of the bed and the giving partner lays on their back, their head hanging off the side of the bed and neck resting comfortably on the edge.

This position allows your trusted partner to control the depth, thrusts and motions as they receive oral sex. If you are giving, Allen emphasizes that your hands should be free to provide visual cues to your partner so you can communicate your comfort and needs. (Your mouth will otherwise be engaged.) 

Take breaks. ‍

Deep-throating does not mean that you have to keep your partner’s penis or dildo in your mouth the whole time. It can be a fun thing to add into a blowjob, but it’s important that you don’t overextend yourself. You should only do it for as long as it feels comfortable for you, and there is no shame in needing to pause. Allen offers a nifty trick for when your throat needs a break but you want to keep giving: “Place your dominant hand at the very base of your partner’s shaft [because] light pressure towards the receiver’s body stretches the erection’s skin. It’s a mental trick that makes them feel like they’re deeper than they actually are and keeps extra pubic hairs out of your mouth.”

You can also alter your tongue placement to let your throat rest. Allen says, “Slightly pull your tongue back in your throat so that the tip of your partner’s penis is actually hitting the back of your tongue instead of the back of your throat.” ‍

Lube it up.‍

While you might think your saliva is enough during a blowjob, that’s not always the case. Using a water-based lube can change the game by helping increase sensitivity for the receiver and making things easier for the giver. There are various flavors of lube available, too. Experiment with different flavors to find one that you like, but be sure to check the ingredients to make sure they are body safe! ‍

Remember to breathe.‍

Breathing can be one of the primary challenges of deep-throating, but let’s face it: If you want to enjoy mutually pleasurable deep-throating, then you’ll need to actually breathe. Allen says that the best way to ensure your breath and comfort while deep-throating is to “use your nostrils to inhale, [breathing] in as the penis moves lip-ward and [exhaling] as the penis moves towards the throat.” Breathing also makes deep-throating easier. “Exhaling is a natural relaxant,” Allen explains, “which is helpful when you’re relaxing your throat muscles.”

As mentioned before, taking breaks and switching back and forth between a regular blowjob and deep-throating gives you a chance to catch your breath. You can also stop using your mouth completely and instead use a hand to manually stimulate the penis while you take a break. ‍

It’s perfectly fine to not want to deep throat.‍

Deep-throating can be fun and exciting (and easier when using these tips), but to put it simply as Allen does, “It’s okay to not want to deep throat.” This act is not something you have to do to be a good sexual partner. “There is a kind of porno-fied placement of deep-throating as the ‘ultimate’ blow job skill, but this isn't necessarily true,” says Engle. “There are so many other ways [to] make a blowjob mind-blowing. Don’t pressure yourself.” It’s important to listen to your body, too, and prioritize your comfort. “Some people have really strong gag reflexes… and that's okay,” Corrado says because the fact remains that “you don't need to deep throat someone for oral sex to be enjoyable.”

Amen to that!‍