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Some people with vulvas are lucky. They never had to hunt for their clit, and instead feel like they’ve always just known where it is. But for others, it can take time and effort to find it—and that’s OK, too! And looking for your partner’s clit when you don’t have the same anatomy can make this powerhouse pleasure-button even trickier to track down. Happily, as far as search expeditions go, this is a decidedly fun one.
When it comes to zeroing in on the clit, there are generally three main options. The first is using a mirror to look at the vulva and locate the clitoris visually. Other people feel around with their fingertips to locate the clitoral head by touching it. Finally, some people take time to stroke their genitals, paying attention to sensation and looking for the most sensitive area.
No matter the route you decide to go, here are all the details for searching success:
What To Look For
The head of the clitoris looks like an oval-shaped bump that sits at the front of the vulva, about one to two inches up from the vagina. The size of the head of the clitoris varies for different people, but you’re looking for something that’s approximately pea-sized. The head of the clit is covered by a piece of skin called the clitorial hood, so to get a full visual, you may need to gently pull the skin back. Placing your hand on the pubic bone and gently pulling the skin up is a good way to expose the head of the clit. When you do this, you may see on the underside of the head an upside-down “V”-shaped area, which is a piece of connective tissue called the frenulum.
The size of the head of the clitoris varies for different people, but you’re looking for something that’s approximately pea-sized.
This pea-sized nub and its underside, however, are just the parts of the clit that you can see. The clitoris has a much larger internal structure that swells when it becomes aroused. That said, the head is the most sensitive part, and where most people focus their stimulation.
What To Feel For
If you are feeling around for the clit with your hands: start by placing a fingertip just under the belly button, and running the finger straight down the abdomen and over the pubic mound (where hair grows) until you reach the soft skin just under the pubic bone (where hair doesn’t grow). If you press this area gently with your fingertip you may feel a line of tissue running up and down under the skin, which is the shaft of the clitoris. The skin you’re feeling is the clitoral hood. The head of the clit is a little further down, underneath this skin. Use one of your fingers to gently draw this skin upwards, and use another finger to feel for the head of the clit. Depending upon your particular clit size, you may feel a prominent bump, or you may not feel any bump at all. But either way, be gentle: this area can be very sensitive, especially with the clitoral hood pulled back! Use a soft touch and put some lube on your finger to keep it comfortable.
Depending upon your particular clit size, you may feel a prominent bump, or you may not feel any bump at all.
What Sensations To Pay Attention To
If you are stroking the vulva to find the clit by sensation, there are a number of techniques you can try:
- You can place a pillow on the bed and rub your vulva up against it.
- You can use your hand to caress your vulva, stroking with a harder or softer pressure in different spots to explore the different sensations.
- You can use a vibrator to see which parts respond best to vibration.
What will it feel like when you’re successfully stimulating the clitoris? It may feel highly sensitive (though not for everyone); it might be concentrated or focused in a specific area; it may feel a bit weird at first; or it might feel really good and make you want to keep going! Because the head can be so sensitive, it can feel uncomfortable, or even painful, if you touch it too hard, too directly, or if there is too much friction. If this is the case for you, try touching around—rather than directly on—the most sensitive area and see if that is more comfortable. Be sure to use gentle pressure, as well as lube or saliva, to reduce friction.
Experiment using a vibrator
If you’re new to clitoral stimulation and aren’t sure what feels good yet, using a vibrator can help. There are different types of vibrators that offer a variety of vibration intensities, patterns and modes. If you feel you have a more sensitive clit, try an air suction vibrator as it does not directly touch the clit. Instead, an air suction vibrator has a nozzle that encloses around the clit and sends pulses of air onto it for stimulation. If you’re like to try a more traditional vibrator, consider a smaller vibe that is simple and easy to use, like a bullet vibrator.
Editor’s pick for best vibrator for beginners
The Svakom Amy Vibrator is a best-seller for a reason. It features a soft silicon body, it’s easy to charge, and reviewers rave about its ability to give a G-spot thrill ride.
- 5 intensity levels
- Body-safe materials
- Waterproof
- Whisper-quiet mode
- Rechargeable
The bottom line
Finding your clit can be a fun journey of exploration. Once you’ve located it, you can begin the process of experimenting with what feels good. Stimulating your clit with fingers, your partner’s mouth, or using a vibrator for beginners, is a great way to begin your clit adventures!
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