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The first time you decide to have sex can be exciting and intimidating. Depending on your background or beliefs, you may have already been told when you should or shouldn’t experience sexual pleasure. There is a lot of confusing cultural baggage about what it means to “lose your virginity,” but in fact, virginity is a concept often used to shame people for what they choose to do or not do with their bodies.
At O.school, we believe the best time to experience sex is when you feel ready — and that it should be a shame-free experience. What do we mean by sex? Sex can be between people of any gender identity and with any genitalia. Sex doesn’t have to be penetrative, and it doesn’t have to end in orgasm. Basically, sex is a pleasurable, intimate interaction with someone else.
When you decide you want to have sex for the first time, consent should always be a non-negotiable part of the equation. Once you and your partner have both consented to have sex together, it’s important to discuss how you are going to prevent pregnancy and/or the transmission of STIs by using condoms, gloves, dental dams, barriers, birth control or any other methods you choose.
If you have a vagina and have vaginal sex for the first time, you might experience tearing, bleeding, or pressure if you have a hymen and your hymen tissue tears or stretches. Some people experience some pain during this process, but it doesn’t have to be painful. Using plenty of lubrication can help increase your pleasure and decrease painful friction or tearing.
If you have a penis and have penetrative sex in a vagina or anus for the first time, you might experience friction or irritation on your penis — but lubrication can also help you maximize your enjoyment.
If you have oral sex for the first time, lubrication can also make the experience more enjoyable.
Remember that there’s no one way to have sex, and there’s no right way to have sex — only the way that pleases both you and your partner.