For many people with vulvas, being super turned on often leads to vaginal lubrication — better known as getting wet. Vaginal wetness can be an indication that your partner is enjoying what you’re doing, but it’s important not to assume that someone’s turned on just because they’re wet — or that they’re not turned on just because their pussy isn’t dripping. Wetness is not a substitute for enthusiastic verbal consent; always take the time to communicate with your partner, and, when in doubt, ask!
Whether you’re sharing intimacy with someone in person, or from afar—perhaps by sext—knowing that they’re dripping with arousal can be a major turn-on! So how do you make your partner wet? Read on for some tips!
What is wetness?
Wetness occurs when vaginal secretions increase, often in response to sexual arousal. When someone with a vagina gets turned on, blood-flow to the tissues of the vulva increases, stimulating glands beside the vaginal opening to produce fluid; a small amount of fluid may also come from the vaginal walls themselves. These fluids help to protect delicate genital tissue from friction and lubricate the vaginal canal to ease penetration. Wetness can also increase pleasure for both partners, providing lubrication for penises, hands, pussies (or other body parts!) to glide smoothly against the vulva.
Does everyone get wet?
Not everyone with a vagina will necessarily get wet in response to arousal. Some trans women — as well as people who have lower levels of the hormone estrogen — may produce lower levels of lubrication, or may not get wet at all. And someone’s body may respond involuntarily to a certain sensation (like clitoral stimulation), even if they’re not interested in sex in the moment. Sex therapist Dr. Tom Murray tells O.school that people “can experience a discrepancy between what’s sexually relevant and what's sexual appealing. Our genitals tell us what's sexually relevant; our brain tells us what's sexually appealing. Consequently […] a dry pussy doesn't mean lack of interest and a wet pussy doesn't mean sexual interest 100 percent of the time.”
It’s important to note that each person is unique: What gets one person’s juices flowing might do absolutely nothing for someone else. Also, making someone wet usually isn’t instantaneous. Dr. Murray reminds O.school readers that “arousal takes time. Sufficient [play] is essential for increasing vaginal lubrication.” Additionally, people’s mental and emotional state can play a large role in determining how wet they get. While stress and anxiety can interfere with someone’s ability to get turned on, Dr. Tom Murray emphasizes that “respectful, nurturing, caring relationships promote sexual arousal."
How to make a girl wet
There are many ways to make your partner wet.
Use your hands.
The hands are uniquely suited to provide a variety of sensations to a vulva, from gentle, feathery stroking, to firm rubbing, to deep penetration. Try starting outside of your partner’s underwear, with delicate, light movements, beginning at the top of the labia and stroking downwards over their clit. Light, teasing movements that build anticipation are one of the best ways to make someone wet. Once your partner is warmed up — you can tell if their clit becomes hard and swollen, or, better yet, by asking what feels good — you can experiment with firmer pressure.
Try a little tongue action.
For people with especially sensitive vulvas who like an extra gentle touch, your tongue can provide just the right amount of pressure. The mouth’s natural moisture can also encourage someone’s pussy to get wet. Sex therapist Dr. Janet Brito recommends using your mouth on other sensitive body parts, telling O.school: “If your bae allows, sucking on the nipples will promote lubrication.” It also bears mentioning that good, old-fashioned kissing is a great way to turn your partner on — many people get soaking wet as the result of a great makeout.
Use your words.
The mind is often referred to as the biggest erogenous zone: Just imagining your crush naked, or remembering your latest sexual encounter, can be enough to make you dizzy with lust. If you’re trying to figure out how to make your partner wet, especially via text, your words can be just as powerful as your hands. Telling your partner what you want to do with them, describing your favorite parts of their body, and even describing how wet you want them to get, can all be great ways to get their juices flowing. To get your partner wet from a distance, Dr. Janet Brito encourages readers to “…be as explicit as possible; the more descriptive the better. Visuals are helpful too. If your partner has enthusiastically consented to receive sexts and pictures, then get creative and go all out!” (For more tips on how to up your sexting game, check out this handy guide.)
Another essential factor to keep in mind if you want to get your partner wet: communication is hot! If you want to know how to make your partner wet, ask. Not only can it give you powerful insight into what they like (after all, every person, and thus every pussy, is different) it can be a great gateway to dirty talk as you encourage them to describe what turns them on. For those who feel shy or uncertain broaching the topic, Dr. Brito offers the following scripts to break the ice: “I really like it when you caress my [genitals] in a gentle way, I’m really curious to learn more on how you like your [genitals] to be touched. What type of pressure do you prefer? Stroking?” or “I am curious to know what types of touch turn you on. Would you be willing to show me?”
Lubing up is a fantastic way to promote wetness, both for those who don’t produce many vaginal secretions of their own and for those who do! Using a little lube while you pleasure your partner with your hands can kick-start their own natural lubrication process. It can also serve as a substitute for those who might have trouble getting wet otherwise. Water-based or silicon-based lubes are often a great choice: their slipperiness is similar to that of vaginal secretions, they won’t degrade latex condoms or gloves, and they’re safe for many skin types. Experiment to find the lube that suits you best!
Good, wet fun.
While it’s essential for penetration — whether with a penis, fingers, or a toy — the slippery stuff has lots of other fun applications: bring some to your mouth for a taste and describe its flavor and texture to your partner to get them extra turned on. Once you know how to make your partner wet, sexy rubbing—also known as frottage—becomes even hotter. Someone with a super-wet pussy can rub it all over your body: face, belly, back, butt, even forearms or thighs. For many people with pussies, this type of sensation is extremely satisfying, as it provides stimulation to the entire vulva, including the deep structures of the clit beneath the skin, while letting them control the speed and pressure.
What if you or your partner can’t get wet?
For some people, medical conditions, hormone treatments, or age can affect the ability of the vagina to spontaneously lubricate in response to stimulation. If this is the case for your partner, it’s important not to take it personally! The inability to get wet, for someone with a vagina, can come with shame and stigma, similar to that faced by people with penises who are unable to get or maintain an erection. If your partner struggles to get wet, approach the topic with sensitivity and tact: it can be a good idea to encourage them to seek a medical opinion in case there’s an underlying issue. Once you know what’s going on—or if they simply don’t produce much fluid—there are many ways to make sure that they can still enjoy the sweet slippery sensations provided by a super-wet pussy. Remember: lube is your friend!