Exploring sexuality can be exciting and a lot of fun—but it can also be anxiety-producing. You may worry that your partner won’t be interested in what you want to try, or that they’ll judge you for your desires. You may be worried about hygiene, or that it may be painful.
Anal exploration can be an area that’s hard to talk about, as it’s a taboo topic for many people. But fear not! Anal play a totally natural and normal facet of sexuality and there are a number of things you can do to help you prepare.
Is Anal Sex Healthy?
While it is common for people to be uncomfortable with the anal cavity (and its contents!) The anus has many pleasurable nerve endings. It also provides access to feel-good areas that can elicit orgasmic feelings upon stimulation. So, it makes sense that someone would be interested in receiving or giving such pleasure.
Anal exploration can be hard to talk about because it’s a taboo topic for many people.
Although there are lots of reasons why butt sensations can be pleasurable, and enjoying anal play is totally normal, some people do feel shame about butt stuff or are worried about hygiene. When these concerns arise, the hardest part may just be starting the conversation.
How To Bring Up Anal
Having an intimate conversation with a partner can be scary—fear of rejection is real. But don’t get stuck in a purgatory of wondering! Instead, work out when would be a good time to have the conversation, and what you want to tell your partner during that conversation.
Choosing the right time and place is key. Aim to have this discussion when you are:
- In a private place
- Not engaging in sexual play
Exploring anal anything takes talking to your sex partner about what you would like to try and getting their consent to try it with you. You can start this conversation a few ways. Here are some suggestions:
1. Share Your Fantasies
Try sharing fantasies with your partner that include butt play. Sharing your fantasy with your partner can help them understand how and why it’s hot for you, and can give them ideas for the kind of butt touch you’d like to try out.
2. Do A Sex Quiz Together
Use a website quiz like MojoUpgade. Quiz activities like this ask you and your partner a series of questions about what you’re interested in in the bedroom. They allow you and your partner to each fill them out and to compare and share your responses—a great way to start the discussion about what you’d like to try together, as well as what’s off the table for each of you.
3. Write Down Your Desires
Write down what you would like to do with your partner. Each write a list individually and exchange, then see what stands out, what looks interesting, and what they are willing to do with you. This is another great way to start the conversation about what you’re interested in bringing into your sex life.
Once the conversation has started, make sure you cover these points while you’re talking together:
- What anal play you’re interested in
- What you’re not interested in
- What’s exciting for you about trying anal play
- What you’re feeling nervous about
Be sure to respect your partner’s boundaries if they are not interested in trying butt play. Asking for what you want is important—and so is accepting that it may not be something your partner is up for trying with you (at least not yet!)
Cleaning For Anal
One of the main worries with butt play tends to be around hygiene. While this is a fair concern, there is actually very little fecal matter housed in the lower part of the rectum and the anus. To help prevent any accidents, it might be helpful if the person who will receive the play has a bowel movement before it begins.
A shower beforehand can help clean the external areas, and help the muscles relax before anal play. Some people like to squirt a little water inside their butt to clean it more thoroughly, sometimes called an anal douche. While this can be effective for cleaning, it is important not to use too much water, and not to put any soap or chemicals inside your body.
Warming Up For Anal
When you have figured out what each of you is willing to do, remember to take it slowly! You are playing with a sensitive orifice and you want to maximize the pleasure experience.
The person who is giving the anal pleasure should be sure to warm the area up really well before trying to insert anything. With any type of butt play, there is the urge to clench or tighten the area, out of sheer response. It is important to arouse the area so that the rectum and anus are relaxed and primed for pleasure.
Further, start small. This means using a finger or tongue along the outside of the anus to stimulate the nerve endings there. This helps the receiver get used to the stimulation and can be very pleasurable.
The anus has many pleasurable nerve endings.
To make anal penetration easier start with a finger. Have short, clean nails, use plenty of lube, and most of all, go slow. Checking in often when exploring the inner parts of the rectum is key to ensuring the play is pleasurable for your partner. Exploration may take a few times before both of you feel comfortable and possibly even orgasmic during your play.
When both of you are ready, you can start to integrate sex toys into your anal play routines. If you are going to use toys, make sure to use lube and a select a toy with a flared based so nothing gets lost in the rectum.
You can try a butt plug, which is designed to be put in and to stay in for a while, giving a pleasurable sense of fullness inside the butt. Or you could try anal beads, which give stimulation when being inserted and removed. A dildo is another option if you want to use an in-and-out action to stimulate. And there are also vibrators—the delicious buzzing of a vibe can feel great on your butthole and help the muscles to relax.
Prostate And G-spot Anal Play
If the person you are penetrating has a prostate, it can be stimulated by inserting a finger three to four inches inside the butt and pressing toward their belly button. It should feel firm, with a little bit of give. Think of a ripe plum. Massaging the prostate can give pleasure, especially when combined with penis stimulation.
Have short, clean nails, use plenty of lube, and most of all go slow.
If the person does not have a prostate, no worries. Did you know that the g-spot can also be stimulated through the lining of the rectum? It can be found by inserting a finger and pressing forward toward the belly button.