How To Talk Dirty

Does the idea of talking dirty in bed make you want to curl up into the fetal position? There’s no need! Here are some basics to get you started.

How To Talk Dirty

How To Talk Dirty

How To Talk Dirty

3 minute read

“Last night was so hot, I can’t stop thinking about those things you did with your tongue…”

“I can’t wait to rip your pants off when you get home...”

What Is Dirty Talk?

Dirty talk is language designed to arouse. For talking dirty to be fun, everyone involved needs to be up for it. You can use it before sex to build anticipation and get into the mood, or in the bedroom to ask for what you want, and to let your partner know what feels good.

Dirty talk is language designed to arouse.

Dirty talk can be as simple as describing something sexy while it’s happening:

“Babe, your body looks so hot right now.”

“It feels really good when you use your tongue like that.”

Or as complicated as playing out a fantasy:

“Are you my sexy flight attendant?”

“Help me superhero, the only way we can save the world is if I have an orgasm!”

Dirty talk can be face-to-face, or aided by technology—and sexting definitely counts! Thanks to cell phones you can engage in dirty talk even while sitting on the bus on the way home from work. Long distance relationship? No worries, jump on a video call and get each other all hot and bothered talking about all the things you’d like to do to one another.

Dirty talk can be face-to-face, or aided by technology—and sexting definitely counts!

Let’s be honest though, talking dirty can be awkward. Sometimes you just don’t know what to say. Sometimes your best-planned sexy phrase doesn’t hit the mark and your partner just laughs, or may even gets upset. Verbalizing fantasies or describing what turns you on can sometimes feel really vulnerable, and even a little scary.

Tips For Talking Dirty

Here are three suggestions to help improve your dirty talk confidence:

  1. Not sure what to say? Look for inspiration in sexy books, porn that you find hot, fanfiction, movies, or by thinking back to things from your own life that are sexy AF.
  1. Check in with the other person about what words are hot for them, and what words they don’t like. What are the words they like used for their genitals? Cock? Clit? Pussy? What do they like to be called? Sexy...? Dirty...? Naughty...? And what words should you avoid? A buzzkill word can be a quick ticket out of sexyland. A quick check-in about preferred words first can keep things on track.
  1. Be supportive of your partner’s dirty talk efforts, even if they’re not perfect. Laugh together, not at each other. Those suave dirty talk skills will come with practice.
  1. Try leaning in close and whispering in your partner’s ear! Not only does everything sound sexier in a whisper, but the stakes are lower when you’re not belting out your desires.

Look for inspiration in sexy books, porn that you find hot, fanfiction, movies, or by thinking back to things from your own life that are sexy AF.

To help you develop your dirty talk skills and confidence we’ve created the dirty talk O.rder form. Try it solo or with a partner to give you suggestions for where to start.

Louise Bourchier, MPH

Reviewed for Medical Accuracy

Louise Bourchier is a sex educator and sex researcher with 8 years experience in the field. She teaches about sexual health, sexual pleasure, and communication in relationships through workshops, live-streams, and with written content. Using a sex-positive approach, a dash of humour, and bag full of fun props, Louise’s style of sex education for adults is not what you got in high school! Since 2011 she has taught over a hundred workshops to a wide range of audiences, from university students, to refugees, to medical professionals, to adult store clientele. She has a Masters of Public Health, and is currently a PhD candidate.

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