In 2001, sex columnist Dan Savage set up a contest on his blog to find a term that would describe the act of a cis woman penetrating a cis man anally while wearing a strap-on dildo. His readers chose the designation “pegging.” Since then, there has been a lot of interest in this activity. It’s shown up on TV in an episode of Broad City and in a series of sex-ed films called Bend Over Boyfriend. And no, it doesn’t mean you’re gay if you’re a cishet man who's interested in pegging. It just means you want to explore all the pleasure your body has to offer. If you’ve never tried pegging before, and you are interested in going there, here’s what you need to know.

First, get the equipment you need 

If you want to try pegging, there is certain equipment you’ll need to get started.  

• Harness. There are two different types of harnesses on the market: underwear harnesses that look just like a pair of undies (e.g., briefs, boxers, thongs, etc.), and strap-on harnesses that can be adjusted to fit your body. The strap-on type is often more durable and adjustable. If the harness fits snugly against your body, the attached dildo will move more in sync with your pelvic thrusts, and you will have more control. Strap-on dildos are meant to fit low on the body (think pubic bone) at the same spot where a penis naturally protrudes.
  

Some harnesses come with a built-in ring to secure the dildo, while others allow you to change out your rings and use a variety of dildos. If the ring on a harness isn’t customizable, you will need to make sure it fits your dildo. Harnesses can come with built-in bullet vibes, and some come with cock rings. They also come in a variety of materials such as velvet, spandex, nylon, leather, or neoprene. You want to pick one that is washable and durable. 

Choosing the right harness may mean trying a few on and seeing what’s most comfortable and secure on your body. You want it to be snug without cutting into your skin. There are numerous quality harnesses on the market. For example, one good beginner harness is the Pegasus Realistic Harness. Another high-quality one is the SpareParts Hardwear Jocque.  

• Dildo. When it comes to dildos, there is a huge variety to choose from in terms of size, texture, and material. Some are bumpy and some are smooth. Some look like real dicks, and some don’t. There are dildos in glass, silicone, stainless steel, and jelly. In general, you want to avoid the latter. Jelly has microscopic pores that trap bacteria, which isn’t great for butt play as the anus can have a lot of bacteria. 
  

Non-porous materials like silicone are more hygienic if you want a softer dildo. If the receiver is new to anal play, they should pick the size and should start with a small, smooth toy and gradually try larger sizes as they feel ready. Some great pegging dildos include Tantus Silk Small and Vixskin Spur Realistic Silicone Dildo. 

• Lube. The anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina, so lube is absolutely imperative for pegging. Any lubricant you use will also need to be compatible with your toy. Silicone lube is slicker and long-lasting (good for anal play) but can destroy silicone toys. If you use condoms on your toy to make clean-up easier, be forewarned oil isn’t compatible with latex. One super thick option that is ideal for anal play is ID Extreme H20 Thick Water Based Lube. The main thing to remember about lube is to use more than you think you will need. 

7 tips for trying pegging for the first time 

So, you’ve got your gear together, and you’re ready for the big moment. There are certain steps you can take to ensure your first pegging experience is fun, sexy, and safe. Here’s what you need to know. ‍

1. Talk it out first. Before getting to the action, have some conversations around consent, boundaries, and safe words, if needed. Communicate about what you’re trying to achieve with pegging — what’s the vibe? Do you want it rough, do you want a prostate or anal orgasm, are you switching power dynamics in a BDSM context? Talk about it. ‍

2. Safety and preparation. The giver needs to have a thorough understanding of their gear before pegging begins. Try the harness on and learn how to stabilize the dildo. Practice before you peg. Make sure all equipment and toys are properly cleaned before use. If you share the dildo, you will also need to use condoms or clean toys between uses as STIs can still be transmitted from sharing the same toy. Condoms eliminate the use of oil-based lubes; so, use a good water-based lube.‍

3. Understand the potential poop factor. When you have anal sex, there's always the risk that you might run into a small amount of poop. This makes some people so nervous that they don’t want to try pegging at all. If this is a major concern of yours, there are things you can do before pegging to make this less likely to occur. Avoid spicy foods and have a bowel movement ahead of time. You can also clean your rectum with a soapy finger in the shower or bath. Some people take an enema to be extra clean. With proper preparation, pooping during anal sex is rare. But, if it does happen, make sure you’re comfortable enough with your partner to be able to talk it out and move past it. Sometimes, you just have to laugh it off after a clean up. ‍

4. Get in the mood, then help the receiver get ready for pegging with gentle butt play. Before even getting to butt play, cuddle, kiss, and do whatever kinds of foreplay you usually do to get the party started. It helps to be aroused before you start pegging. Before you move to actually using your equipment, start by pressing gently on your partner’s anal opening with your fingers. Then when they are ready, insert a finger into the butt and hold it there for a while without moving it. Let your partner get used to the sensation. When you’re both feeling more turned on and ready, apply lube to the anus and the walls of the anal canal. Use gentle massage and fingering motions to get your partner used to anal play. You can use the same come hither movement to pleasure a P-spot that you would use on the G-spot. If your partner is new to butt stuff, consider just playing with a butt plug or a smaller dildo before going to pegging. ‍

5. When pegging, increase intensity gradually. After putting on the harness and dildo, it’s time to actually start pegging your partner. It’s important to start slowly. Pegging shouldn’t be painful, and the intensity should be increased gradually. Try different anal sex positions that feel most comfortable for you and your partner. You might try pegging them from behind, with the receiver on all fours or on their tummy. You might try having the receiver lay on their back with their legs over your shoulders. ‍

6. Check in throughout. When pegging, ask if the receiver is enjoying the pressure, depth, and speed of thrusting. Ask if they are enjoying the experience. Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues. Pegging shouldn’t hurt or cause any physical injury. If you notice any bleeding, sores, lumps, or persistent pain afterward, this may indicate trouble, and the receiver might need to see a doctor.‍

7. Aftercare. Because pegging subverts traditional gender norms, the act may bring up a lot of intense feelings, shame being one of them. So, aftercare is usually a good idea –— especially if pegging was a part of a BDSM scene. It can be helpful to reassure your partner, cuddle, and give words of affirmation. You might want to have a conversation about how you feel about the experience, what you liked about it, and what could use some improvement. Spoon your partner and enjoy the afterglow. 

Why some people enjoy pegging 

There are many reasons why some people enjoy pegging. Some find it to be kinky, while others find it to be just a fun thing to try or a way to connect with a partner. Here are just a few reasons some people find pegging hot. 

It can be kinky ‍

Pegging can be a kinky activity that lets participants sexually explore something outside their comfort zone. It can be a way to play with power dynamics as bottom and top roles may be switched. Partners may incorporate pegging into a BDSM scene. For example, it can be part of humiliation play where a typically dominant cis man is made to be submissive and humiliated with penetration by a dominant cis woman. 

It can be an emotionally connecting

Some people might find that pegging helps them build empathy for what a person of the opposite gender might feel during penetrative sex. O.school reader Eric, 39, tells us: “I’m a cishet man but I wanted to commune with my partner by intimately understanding what she feels during sex with respect to being the one who is penetrated. Similarly, I wanted her to experience being the penetrator. I thought this would bring us closer together because we could visit each other's world through an imperfect, of course, profound sensory experience.” 

It can help induce P-spot orgasms

Not only is the anus richly loaded with pleasurable nerve endings, but penetration stimulates the prostate gland, which is about two inches into the body from the anal opening. The prostate is a small walnut-shaped organ that produces seminal fluid during ejaculation and can create cataclysmic orgasms. It is the male G-spot, AKA the P-spot. A P-spot orgasm can be a particularly stimulating full-body experience. 

It can also help cis women orgasm

Cis women may find physical pleasure from pegging as the strap-on harness can be positioned to bump up against the clitoris while a woman thrusts inside her partner. There are also strap-ons called feeldoes that facilitate more direct stimulation. A feeldoe has two attachments: an outer dildo that is used to penetrate a partner and an inner dildo that fits inside the vagina and provides pleasurable sensations for the wearer. Many strap-ons even have vibrators attached in some fashion. So yes, women can orgasm through pegging too. 

It can be gender-affirming for trans and non-binary folks 

While some cis people may view pegging as a mind-expanding kink activity, or something to spice up the bedroom, this isn’t the case for everyone. For some people — especially trans and gender non-conforming folks — using a harness and dildo can help them inhabit a sexual role they feel most comfortable in, making the experience gender affirming. The equipment may be seen as an extension of their body, and not as a sex toy. They may consider the act as a central part of their sex lives, and so many folks do not use the term “pegging” at all, but simply refer to using a harness and dildo as sex. 

The bottom line

Pegging can be an intensely pleasurable experience. But there's a learning curve involved. You will need to do your homework about gear and preparation. And it will require a lot of communication. But once you’ve got that down pat, pegging can be safe, hot, and good fun for all.