People experiment with bondage and rope play for a variety of reasons. Some may enjoy the power exchange aspect, others may feel that it brings them closer to their partner(s). Some may find that after trying it out, it’s not for them. To better understand people's experiences, we turned to O.school readers and a few Reddittors to give us the scoop on why they love, hate, or feel meh about rope play. Here’s what they had to say. ‍

To respect anonymity, we use first names only for those who request it. 

1. Tying your partner up can be the ultimate tease‍

“One of my favorite things to do is tie a partner up. I will sit on the couch in front of them and masterbate, but because they are bound, they aren’t able to touch me, which is the ultimate tease. I am in complete control of the situation and it gives me such a high.” - Elizabeth, 31‍

2. But it requires consent and a lot of trust‍

“My experience with rope bondage was extremely uncomfortable. It was the first and last time I have done something like that. I was in a cabin in the woods with my partner at the time. We ate chocolate shrooms and drank a lot of wine. He brought ties and belts and tied my legs and arms to the bed posts and blindfolded me. I immediately felt claustrophobic and my anxiety rose. He started eating me out and it felt as if time had slowed down in the worst way. I was confused as I couldn’t see and was probably slightly tripping. 

I felt very uncomfortable but also angry at myself for giving up too much control and somewhat violated though I had consented to it. I would only recommend that experience with someone who you completely trust (this was a fresh relationship). I also have struggled with body image issues so I didn’t feel comfortable being so exposed in the light stark naked while I had no control of the situation nor sight.” - Sara, 25‍

3. When experimenting, you may learn a lot about yourself ‍

“I loved my experience with light bondage and power exchange. Both my partner and I were new to this type of play but had interest in trying it out. I didn’t quite know what to expect, but I ended up learning a lot about myself through the experience. First, my partner blindfolded me, which I ended up loving because I didn’t have to think about what my naked body looked like — something I’m usually self conscious about. Letting go of that was the first step to submitting and losing myself in it while having total trust in my partner. He left me there, blindfolded, and he went and did the dishes — which I found to be particularly hot. He checked in on me often, kissing me, and asking if I was okay. As we continued with the experience, he gradually tied the ropes tighter around me, added other elements, like a collar, nipple clamps and a gag, all the while checking in for consent each step of the way. I felt safe and closer to my partner through the experience. Through the experience, I learned I may enjoy the sub role more than I thought.” - Sarah, 34 ‍

4. It doesn’t have to feel sexual to feel enjoyable ‍

“I'm a very anxious person, and the constriction and the weight of rope (especially around my chest) kind of I don't know, forces me to relax? Focus on breathing and relaxing my whole body? Because half the time we've played with rope, it's been nonsexual [I feel] an instant reaction to relaaaax as soon as he brings them out. And for him, I think he likes that he can do that for me especially if I'm having a bad day :) BDSM doesn't always have to involve sex, but it always involves intimacy!” - Reddit user asteria-audio‍

5. Exploring with a partner can help some let go of shame ‍

“When I first started to search for more bondage-based play, the whole thing felt incredibly taboo, and being in middle school really accelerated my feeling of isolation. I always thought there was no way anyone would participate in this fantasy with me, further deepening my shame around my kink. I attempted to self-bind several times in my Jack and Jill bathroom, looping rope between door knob to door knob to knob, yes, that one. Creating intricate webs that when you closed a door it was nearly impossible to move. The shame deepened, I felt ashamed to show that side of myself to a partner, assuming it would scare them. I became resolved that this was something to keep behind an incognito google search, and was just a secret for me to escape to. Now, as an adult, I’m exploring it fully with my partner and not only has it been a dream come true, it’s only made us closer.” - Kyle, 31‍

6. It may not meet your expectations‍

“Shibari was actually something that I always thought I would love, because I love the aesthetic of it (there are some photographers that capture it really beautifully)! However, when I tried it, it freaked me the fuck out — it was actually the first time I ever used my safe word. However, I tried tying people as my friend taught me a few basic knots — wasn't an erotic experience for me at all as I'm not really a switch, but I find tying people very soothing! It's how I imagine people feel when they take up a hobby like knitting.” - Reddit user PastelPornography‍

7. It may take awhile to learn the ropes, but it can be really exciting ‍

“First time I completely rope-bound my partner so that she was unable to move at all. I loved the end result but not so much the process.... Took too long!” - Elizabeth, Age Unknown‍

The bottom line‍

No sexual experience is the same for everyone, and it can take some time to prepare for something as complex as bondage. Before using rope, take some time to learn comprehensive safety instructions and information. Along with proper rope training, it’s incredibly important to make sure everyone involved has consented to the experience. Boundaries should be set and respected, regardless of whether you choose to tie or be tied up. If you’re curious about bondage and want to learn more, check out our articles on bondage for beginners and information about rope play.