When it comes to sexual fantasies, threesomes top the list for many. In fact, according to a 2015 study published in the journal PLOS ONE, one in seven adults in the United States has had a threesome, and one in five find the thought of having one appealing.

Threesomes can be sexy and fun when all partners have communicated boundaries, are consenting, clear that consent can be withdrawn at any time, and boundaries can change. Once everyone is comfortable, the action can hopefully begin. But what is having a threesome actually like? To find out, we reached out to some people in our network willing to share their threesome stories. Note that they’ve requested anonymity so we are only using first names. ‍

The First-Timer‍

“I had my first threesome in my mid twenties. Up until that point, I had only dated and been with men. Throughout my life, I had found myself attracted to women, but had never acted upon it. 

Anyways, I was dating this guy and didn’t see much of a future with him. But he was nice enough and the sex was really good. So, when he brought up the fact that he had engaged in threesomes in previous relationships, I was intrigued. It seemed like a perfect way to explore my interest in women. I also think knowing this guy wasn’t a forever-partner helped me wrap my brain around it. I figured if it got weird between us afterwards, I wouldn’t be heartbroken and could just move on.

After telling him I’d be down to try one, he suggested a woman he had previously had a threesome with. We set up a dinner date with her to see how I felt. I wound up really liking her. She was gorgeous and really funny. Nothing happened that night, but we set up another date to have drinks and all agreed that if we enjoyed the night, we’d go back to my place after. 

That night things went well and we ended up back at my place in bed. I felt a little uncomfortable at first. Quickly, I realized that for me, it felt better to be interacting with both of them at once — rather than having one person watch. I wasn’t able to orgasm that first time because I was too in my head about everything. But it was still really pleasurable. My boyfriend and I got together with her a few more times over the course of our relationship. But when I ended things with him, I never reached out to her again. I do think it helped me explore my bisexuality and since then I have been with more women and have had a few more threesomes.” - Jesi, 32‍

The Out-of-Town Hookup‍

“I was on a business trip and one night I went to the hotel bar for a nightcap. As I was sitting there, a couple came and took the two seats next to mine. I noticed them right away because they were both extremely hot. One of the guys had red hair — which I have always been into. The other guy was latino and really well built. Anyhow, they clearly saw me check them out — but then I went back to scrolling through my phone. 

Eventually, the redhead tapped me on the shoulder and we all started talking. It turned out they lived in that city but just liked the bar at the hotel I was staying at. After an hour of the three of us flirting heavily, I suggested we move things to my hotel room and they agreed. We all took turns going down on one another. I was definitely the center of attention. 

I think because they were used to each other, I was a fun novelty for them. Afterwards, we went back down and had one more drink. We’ve kept in touch and whenever I am in town, we get together.”  - Bryan, 29‍

The Married Couple‍

“My husband and I had been married for nearly a decade when we decided to bring a third partner into the bedroom with us. We had been together for so long that sex had become a little perfunctory between us. 

We had a lot of conversations before we went through with it to determine what we were both comfortable with. The first thing we decided is that we’d start with bringing in a male partner. If that went well, we agreed to try a female after that. We also set some ground rules between the two of us and wrote them down so that we could share them with the third person. I wasn’t comfortable with anal sex being part of any of our interactions. My husband didn’t want me swallowing if I performed oral sex on the other guy. Before we brought in another person, we also asked for their boundaries. 

Having set rules and being on the same page really helped us all feel comfortable and know one another’s boundaries.” -Tina, 42‍

The Sex Party‍

“A friend of mine frequently went to these exclusive sex parties in a nearby city. She’d tell me all these erotic stories and it always sounded really interesting. She explained that they were invite-only and that there was always security present. After a particularly bad breakup, I decided to tag along. I wasn’t sure I’d want to participate in anything, but thought watching could be fun. I figured, if nothing else, it’d be a great life story. 

The party was held in a really upscale penthouse apartment. I had expected to walk in and see naked people and sex happening everywhere. But it was actually more like an incredibly chic cocktail party. In the main room, there was a bartender and snacks. The lights were low and there was music playing. People were touchy-feely with one another but no sex was happening in that room. My friend pointed towards a long hallway that had four or five doors. She explained that an open door meant the people in it were open to participants or viewers. A closed door meant the people inside preferred privacy. 

As I walked down a hallway, I passed a room where there was a bunch of people having sex with another large group watching like it was a show. I passed another where I saw two beautiful naked women kissing and touching. I lingered in the doorway, getting more and more turned on as I watched. When one of the women noticed me, she waved me over to join. At first, I shook my head — I was shy and preferred to watch. But as they kept going, I decided I wanted in on the action. I walked over to the bed and one of them started undressing me while I kissed the other woman. 

We probably spent close to an hour in bed together. What I liked most was that the experience was surprisingly sweet and gentle. The three of us were all very giving and focused on making sure we all came.” -Lindsey, 35 ‍

The App Introduction‍

“I am single and use a handful of dating apps to meet women. I matched with a woman and we began messaging. I could tell right away she was really just looking to hook up. She was very flirty and wasn’t asking the type of questions that someone looking for something serious would ask. 

Then, she told me that she’s actually in a relationship and her and her partner were looking for a threesome. She sent me a picture of them together. The guy was good looking, but I told her I wasn’t interested in sex with another man. She told me that was okay — they were looking for someone she could have sex with and that her partner just wanted to watch. There was something that turned me on about being with another man’s girlfriend and having him watch. I decided to do it.

I went to their apartment and I made the guy promise he wouldn’t try and get involved. He did say that he was going to masturbate during it. So, we set the room up in a way that he sat in a dimly lit corner and could see everything his girlfriend and I did. It was almost like negotiating a contract at work, which was weird. Once things got started, I forgot all about that. The sex was really hot. The guy stayed out of it completely. I could hear him breathing heavily sometimes, but I stayed focused on her. We had sex twice that night. She reached out again a few weeks later but I told her it was a one-time thing for me.” -Dave, 30

If hearing these threesome stories have piqued your interest, and you want to try a threesome yourself, just remember that (as with any sexual activity) communication, boundary-setting, and consent are paramount. And if you’re a seasoned threesomer, perhaps we can share your story next! Because no matter how you feel about threesomes — whether they’re for you or not — it’s always interesting to hear about other people’s fun, sexual adventures!