You’re kissing, you’re touching each other’s bodies, it’s feeling good, clothes are coming off, their hand goes down between your legs, and... wait, you can feel from their touch that you’re not wet down there. You’re starting to feel a bit self-conscious. Their hand comes back up. “OK, it’s no big deal,” you tell yourself. You just need more time kissing and touching, more warming up before your pussy gets onboard. A few minutes later you’re feeling good, their hand goes back down, and... sigh, you’re still not wet like you want to be. What’s going on?

Not getting wet can be really frustrating. You just want to dive into the action, but touch and penetration are uncomfortable when you’re not wet. Not to mention, you don’t want your lover’s feelings to be hurt with them thinking they’re doing something wrong—or, worse yet, that you’re not into them. All in all, vaginal dryness can be a real buzzkill.

Not getting wet can be really frustrating.

But it doesn’t have to be. Understanding why you don’t always get wet when you want to (and making sure you have a good lube onhand), will keep things smooth and sexy not only between your legs, but also between you and your partner.

While there is a range of possible reasons for vaginal dryness, here are four of the most common:

Hormonal Changes Can Cause Vaginal Dryness

During the menstrual cycle hormone levels change, so sometimes it’s easier to get wet (like when you’re ovulating) and sometimes it’s more difficult (like just before your period). Hormone changes also make it hard to get wet for menopausal women, and for trans men who are taking testosterone. The best solution is to keep a bottle of your favorite lube on hand so you can splash on as much as you need.

A Lack Of Warm-up Can Prevent You From Getting Wet

Even if you’re enjoying kissing, touching, laughing, and flirting, your body may not have had enough time to catch up to your brain. Sometimes it can take awhile for your body to respond to your actions and mindset. Take your time. Try some teasing vulva touch through clothing to help warm up down there. Dip your fingers into your vagina to draw wetness towards your clit. There’s no standard time for how long it takes to get wet, so be patient with your body.

There’s no standard time for how long it takes to get wet, so be patient with your body.

Mental Distraction Can Prevent Arousal

For some people, if your mind is not totally onboard, it can be hard for your body to be onboard, too. You might be interested in sex, but if you’re also distracted thinking about an assignment, a work deadline, or an argument you had with a friend, your body might not get wet like you want it to. Try to focus on the sensations and being with your partner. If there is something on your mind, take a break to talk about it if you need to. Clearing the mind of distractions can help you relax and allow your body to get aroused.

Sometimes You Just Run Out Of Lubrication

You were wet at first, but you’ve been at it awhile and you’re starting to feel friction down there—ouch! Even if you are getting wet, your vagina may not be able to keep up with the amount of lubrication needed to keep you comfortable, especially if you’re using condoms. Grab a bottle of lube and keep on going.

Focus on the sensations and being with your partner.

When It Comes To Vaginal Dryness, Lube Is Your Friend!

Whatever the reason for a less-wet-than-ideal pussy, lube is here to help. Everyone’s level of natural lubrication is different, and there is absolutely no shame in using lube—whether that’s only occasionally, or every time you’re getting sexy with yourself or someone else. Having a good lubricant will only ever make your sex life slipperier, safer, and more enjoyable. Learn more about lube and how to choose one that is right for you.