You may have seen the terms “kink” and “BDSM” online, on TV, or even on Tinder. What do they mean, and how do you know if you want to explore them? Here’s what you need to know before deciding if kink and BDSM are right for you.

What Is Kink?

“Kink” is a broad term for sex that’s not thought of as “traditional.” The most common definition considers kink to be anything outside of intercourse-based sex between two monogamous partners, particularly when it includes non-traditional desires and fantasies.

What Is BDSM?

BDSM is any consensual sexual activity involving bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism (hence the source of the letters B, D, S, and M). BDSM practice typically involves a power dynamic between partners, where it is understood that one will have more power during sex than the other. Healthy BDSM requires that all partners have consented to the roles they will play and understand the amount of power each will have.

What’s The Difference Between Kink And BDSM?

Kink and BDSM are often grouped together as non-traditional types of sexual activity, and sometimes it’s hard to tell them apart. The primary difference is BDSM involves a power exchange or differential between sexual partners, while kink describes a broader category of sex that can, but doesn’t have to, involve power dynamics. (You could even say BDSM is a type of kink.)

What Do The Different Letters Of BDSM Mean?

Bondage and discipline refer to restraining and punishing another person through mechanisms including, but not limited to, handcuffs or rope-tying, whipping, spanking, or otherwise physically controlling and impacting a partner.

BDSM is any consensual sexual activity involving bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.

Dominance and submission refers to the roles partners take on during this type of sex, and the power each role has in the sexual relationship.

Sadism refers to the enjoyment of watching someone else experience pain while masochism describes pleasure at feeling your own pain.

What Are Some Other Types Of Kink And BDSM?

The list of categories within kink is near-infinite—after all, kink invites you to get creative!—but these are a few of the most common types.

• Impact play: Involves using something, like your hands or an instrument, to strike another person during sex.
• Group sex: Involves having sex with multiple people at once, sometimes with various power dynamics a la BDSM.  
• Role-playing: Involves having sex where partners are pretending to be other people or non-human creatures, such as a predator and its prey, an animal and its owner, or people of radically different ages, such as an adult and a baby.
• Sensation play: Involves sex where one person is either intentionally deprived of certain senses or has their sensations heightened. Examples of sensation play include using a blindfold to deprive a person of sight during sex, or incorporating ice or heat to induce temperature-based bodily sensations.
• Voyeurism: Involves sex where one or more partners are aroused by the act of watching others naked or having sex.
• Exhibitionism: Involves sex where one or more partners are aroused by the act of being watched while naked or having sex.
  

Sex toys and other equipment are a part of any types of BDSM and kink. If you’re interested in dipping your toe in the water there are a range of kinky toys for beginners to try out.

How Does Consent Relate To BDSM And Kink?

Healthy kink and BDSM depend completely on getting consent and establishing boundaries in advance. BDSM can be tricky to navigate because for some people, saying “no,” getting hurt, and even being abused are part of what gets them off.

BDSM practice typically involves a power dynamic between partners, where it is understood that one will have more power during sex than the other.

In order to have a healthy and safe BDSM experience with someone, it’s important that you trust each other completely, talk in advance about your desires and what you’d like to get from the experience, and establish what you do not want to do. It can also be helpful to determine a safe word or another agreed-upon way to tell your partner if you want to stop.

What’s A Safe Word?

For some people who participate in BDSM, verbally saying “no” to sex, acting as though they are being assaulted, or otherwise pretending not to enjoy what’s happening is part of their arousal. In order to make sure someone can opt out if they are no longer enjoying sex, some sex partners will utilize “safe words.” A safe word is an unusual word that’s code for “stop.”

A safe word is an unusual word that’s code for “stop.”

For example: If your kink fantasy is being penetrated against your will, saying “stop” might make you enjoy the experience more and doesn’t actually mean you want your partner to stop. But if you’ve established in advance that your safe word is “poodle”—you’d never say “poodle” during sex otherwise—saying “poodle” during sex would tell your partner if something is wrong and they should stop.

Should You Try Kink Or BDSM?

It’s up to you! If reading kinky fanfiction or scrolling through BDSM posts on Tumblr gets you going, you may want to explore bringing kink or BDSM into your sex life. Before you do, though, it’s important to talk through exactly what you’re interested in with your partner(s). Consent is at the heart of practicing kink in a healthy way. Explore to your body’s content—as long as everyone is on board.