Whether you’re new to dating, or a totally seasoned dater, a first-date with a new person can be a bit daunting. It can help, however, to have some ideas of what to expect, what to do, and what to talk about on the date. A little first-date preparation can go a long way, but the most important thing to remember is to just have fun.
1. Find potential dates using dating apps or try talking to people you find attractive IRL.
2. Be respectful.
3. Ask if they are interested in getting to know you better.
4. Suggest a time and place to meet.
5. On a date, be an active listener and ask questions.
6. Connect over shared interests.
7. End with a hug, kiss, or nightcap if your date is into it.
8. Propose meeting up again.
1. Go to a quiet bar for drinks and conversation.
2. Go out for a casual dinner before a movie.
3. Go bowling.
4. Go on a hike.
5. See a band you both like.
6. Go to a museum or gallery.
7. Check out free things to do in your city.
8. Go for coffee.
9. Check out a comedy show.
10. Do karaoke.
On a first date, wear an outfit that makes you feel good and comfortable, and something that fits the tone of the date. For example, if you’re going bowling, wear something casual that allows for movement, like jeans and a comfy shirt. If you’re going to a fancy restaurant, consider wearing something more formal, like a dress, or a button up shirt with a nice jacket and slacks.
It’s important to ask questions on a first date to show you’re interested in and curious about the person. It’s often safest to keep questions on the lighter side and to not get overly personal. Here are some ideas:
- What are your favourite TV shows / movies / books?
- What was the highlight of your week?
- What do you like about living in this city/town?
- How do you spend your time outside of work?
- Are you a cat or dog person? Why?
The bases can mean different things to different people, but here’s how pop culture generally defines them:
- First base: Kissing on the mouth.
- Second base: Touching or kissing erogenous zones above the belt, including feeling up your partner’s breasts, chest, and nipples.
- Third base: Touching or kissing erogenous zones below the belt, including hand jobs, fingering, blow jobs, or eating out.
- Fourth base / Home Run: Penetrative intercourse.
The number of dates you go on before sex is entirely up to you. You might want to have sex on a first date, or wait forty dates. There is no right or wrong answer, and the amount of time you do or don’t wait should not affect how your partner feels about you — if it does, you may want to move on. It is important, however, to communicate to your partner how you’re feeling about sex and if you’d like to wait.
There’s no standard length of time to wait between first and second dates. If it went well then it’s usual to message or call within two days. Then make a plan to go on a second date in a few days time, or perhaps the next week - it depends how busy your schedules are.
Some people dive straight into relationships after a few dates, while others might prefer to take longer, perhaps waiting months before calling it a “relationship”. The important thing is that you have a conversation and both agree that, yup, you’re in a relationship. It’s also a great time to talk about your expectations and preferences for what being in a relationship means to you.
Going on a first date can be exciting, but it can also be a bit nerve-racking too. While there’s no one right way to date, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances of having a good time. At the end of the day, just be yourself and let things unfold organically. You’ll do great!
Louise Bourchier, MPH
Louise Bourchier is a sex educator and sex researcher with 8 years experience in the field. She teaches about sexual health, sexual pleasure, and communication in relationships through workshops, live-streams, and with written content. Using a sex-positive approach, a dash of humour, and bag full of fun props, Louise’s style of sex education for adults is not what you got in high school! Since 2011 she has taught over a hundred workshops to a wide range of audiences, from university students, to refugees, to medical professionals, to adult store clientele. She has a Masters of Public Health, and is currently a PhD candidate.
