It seems anal sex is becoming less and less taboo, which is great because butt play can feel so good if done right and safely. Besides getting the right lube, there are a few things you can do to prep for anal sex and to make sure you and your partner are comfortable, because (news alert) anal sex should not hurt. It should be fun and sexy for all involved!
Some do and some don’t. The most important thing is to talk about it before you try and do it — never try anal without consent. Anal is more enjoyable when there is trust between partners, you take time to prepare for anal, warm up, and when you use plenty of lube.
Anal sex can be painful but it doesn’t need to be. Take these steps to reduce the chances of pain during anal sex:
- Take your time warming up
- Insert slowly
- Start with a finger or small buttplug before trying a penis or dildo
- Use lots of lube
- Be with a partner you trust
- Communicate about how it’s feeling
No, you can’t get pregnant from anal sex because semen in the anus can not travel to the uterus to fertilize an egg. However, if any semen gets on the vulva or into the vagina, this can cause pregnancy. You can get HIV and STIs from anal, so a condom is a good idea.
A buttplug is an anal sex toy that is usually shaped like a cone with a base, or a ball that cones at the top. Some people use butt plugs because they enjoy the feeling of fullness, which can be achieved by having something in their butthole. You put it in your butt when you’re doing other sex play, or when you want to get in the mood for sex (or just to make your day more interesting).
Lick and kiss the butthole. Try using different pressures with your tongue. Some people like long tongue strokes while others prefer circles or light quick flicks. Gently penetrating the butthole with the tongue is also an option.
Best tips for anal sex:
- Warm up by massaging the butthole externally
- Maybe try rimming - licking the butthole
- Start penetration with a finger or small buttplug before trying a penis or dildo
- Use plenty of lube
- Go slow
- Take a break or stop if it’s painful
- Check in and communicate to make sure you’re both having a good time
Anal sex can be tons of fun and feel super good, but it can take some preparation. Warm-up is a must. Take time massaging the butthole externally to build arousal and relax the muscles. Try penetration with a finger and plenty of lube before inserting a penis or larger toy.
In terms of cleanliness, make sure the rectum is clear beforehand (ie. take a poop) and have a warm shower to clean externally. Some people choose to clean with warm water inside the rectum (douching). If you do, just use plain water and only the minimum for a shallow clean. Be aware that douching can increase your risk of catching an STI.
Anal sex can be lots of fun. If done properly and safely, it shouldn’t hurt and can actually feel amazing. Of course, butt play isn’t for anyone so it’s best to experiment only with what’s comfortable for you. Perhaps start off with gentle fingering, then you can move to a small sex toy for anal play. If you’re into it, move up from there!
Louise Bourchier, MPH
Louise Bourchier is a sex educator and sex researcher with 8 years experience in the field. She teaches about sexual health, sexual pleasure, and communication in relationships through workshops, live-streams, and with written content. Using a sex-positive approach, a dash of humour, and bag full of fun props, Louise’s style of sex education for adults is not what you got in high school! Since 2011 she has taught over a hundred workshops to a wide range of audiences, from university students, to refugees, to medical professionals, to adult store clientele. She has a Masters of Public Health, and is currently a PhD candidate.
